Laughter is great medicine and humor is good for the soul. If you know me, then you know that I am a huge fan of funny things and stories. When life gets too tough to handle, I usually find some comedy to listen to or something funny to read. At this time, we are all facing tough times for sure, so I wanted to try to cheer you up for a few minutes. I know that a lot may be going on outside and inside of you and maybe you’re wondering what is to come. Maybe you have thought a million times already as I have, “When will this evil virus leave so we can get back to life?"
I wish I could give you some definite answers, but I can’t. What I can do is share some humor with you that I have collected over the years that I think will give you some moments of joy and laughter.
You're Not a Kid Anymore When
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.
- You enjoy watching the news.
- The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
- The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
- People ask what color your hair USED to be.
- You're proud of your lawnmower.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.
- You start singing along with the elevator music.
- You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
- Your car has four doors.
- You routinely check the oil in your car.
- You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style TWICE.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- 7 am is your idea of "sleeping in."
- You don't remember when you got that mole...or the one next to it.
- You write thank you notes without being told.
- Neighbors borrow your tools.
What your baby would tell you if he could talk:
- I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said.
- Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.
- I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.
- To you, it's just an empty egg carton; to me, it's PlayStation 4.
- Actually, I don't mind sitting in a bathtub that I've peed in.
- Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That's what teething feels like.
- Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.
- There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada." My first word is going to be "hat."
- I've told you five times what cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again.
- There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.
- I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.
- If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.
- Who's that baby in the mirror you keep asking me about?
- If my bottom is so darn cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?
- Who are you two to tell me how important it is to sleep alone?
- What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies.
Observations On Growing Older
- Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!
- Going out is good. Coming home is better!
- You forget names...but it's okay because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
- You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ...especially golf.
- The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
- You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".
- You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.
- You tend to use more 4 letter words ..."what?"..."when?"... ??
- Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
- You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
- What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
- Everybody whispers.
- You have three different sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear.
~~~But old is good in some things: old songs, old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
After the birth of their first child, Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, "I don't want my life regulated by some machine. I just can't stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle."
Sarah took Tom's words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom's beer.
“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.” – Ellen DeGeneres
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I hope that you have enjoyed! Hope you have a blessed day. Stay strong and keep your head up. We will get through this together! Love you all!
Derek Brown, Territory Manager at PMF